The 30 best comments from my Daily Mail article

Today, the Daily Mail published a piece by me about trying to get my tubes tied on the NHS, similar to the one I wrote for the Guardian in January. As you can imagine, the comments section was a riot. Everyone told me not to read the comments, but why would I do that to myself? I’d miss out on so much gold.

The title is a slight lie because there are over 2,000 comments already and I did not in any sense read them all, because I still have to find time in the day to glare at children and milk the National Health Service dry. But here are some of my favourites, and my responses. Which I won’t be putting in the comments section, because that’s like trying to debate with a floor lamp.

The best of the Daily Mail comments

1.

cakeThis is 100% true.

2. breeder

 

If anything was going to change my mind, it’s definitely the thought of having Rod Stewart’s spawn.

3. unloved

Every night I cuddle a cold, unfeeling house brick, and wonder what it’d be like to have emotions.

4. dont 4

Is there a formula yet for the number of comments before someone invokes Katie Hopkins?

5. journalism

I’m glad I could help you discover what ‘journalism’ means.

6. hips 1

The irony is not lost on me, especially when I’m trying to fit into airline seats. Though that may also be the cake and pies.

7.

oh

I think what you’re trying to say here is that I’m thick, but the problem is that if I’m thick then I don’t need a lobotomy because I’m already thick. Do you see? Or have you had one yourself?

8. puddle

Man reads Daily Mail, accuses others of being shallow

9.

my fault then

I don’t appear immature or unconvincing to the doctors. I appear female. That’s the difference.

10.

simpleton

BRB, buying business cards that say “Holly Brockwell, Simpleton.” I’ll start giving them out after my lobotomy.

11.

terrible

I’m so glad we could agree on this.

12. what

Of all the women to perv on in the Daily Mail, you choose me? Dude.

13.

true

You should meet my ex. You’d get along.

14.

vagina

You haven’t lived until Daily Mail commenters have debated the relative size of your vagina.

15.

wont

I really hope you missed a word.

16.

attractive

This is definitely the debate I was hoping to inspire.

17.

condoms

I’m sorry to break this to you… LOL GEDDIT?

18.

dave

Please email nope@nope.com

19, 20, 21, 22.

dont 1

dont 2

dont 3

dont 5

These people have only ever had sex when they were actively trying for a baby.

23.

er

I think this lady read a different article.

24.

leaves

That’s a whole lot of life advice from someone who can’t spell “you’re”

25.

CD0-OsSXIAEJf4-

 

Ooh, are we making sandcastles?

26.

satc

I’m extremely flattered that this dude thinks I have a “Sex and the City style life.”

27.

sleeping

Is this a stupid comment I couldn’t be bothered reading fully it

28.

doctor

Username suggests this person is totally unbiased

29.
boring

Have children! They’ll keep you from getting bored*

*although so will Scrabble and that’s quite a lot cheaper

30.

women

True. I’ve just changed my mind about reading the comments. Thanks, mate!

 

Art direction of the year – Leo Burnett France for Jeep

Leo Burnett‘s beautifully-crafted campaign for Jeep is going to win all kinds of awards for art direction. Each ad features a monochrome image of an animal that can be flipped upside down to become a different species, and unlike most ambigrams, these actually do work both ways:

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Deer

Deer > sea lion

Sea lion

 

b6ceb7b963066fbf51783a8854d9432c.jpg

Swan

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Elephant

 

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Giraffe

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Penguin (this one doesn’t work as well for me – it’s the eyes)

The line – See whatever you want to see – feels a bit ‘global English’ to me (although they’re French, so fair enough) but works with the product and the idea.

This is apparently a press campaign, but I’d like to see the images appear in digital media to make maximum use of the dichotomy.

Story and images via Metro.

Update: despite being presented by Metro as ‘new’, these have just won 3 Lions at Cannes (Press, Craft Illustration and Craft Art Direction). Which means I was right!

Honda shows Hyundai how it’s done

Most people who read this blog, follow me on Twitter or know me in real life remember the time I had a somewhat high-profile disagreement with Hyundai.

Image

BBC World News

For those who didn’t see it, Hyundai made a really badly-judged ad that showed someone trying to commit suicide in one of their cars, and failing because the car only emits water. As I commented at the time, there were many more creative and interesting ways to deliver this message without sucker-punching people who’ve lost loved ones to suicide, or showing them how to do it (there were details in the ad that would help people die effectively).

Honda – a brand I’ve worked on and have a huge soft spot for – have just come out with their answer to the water-emissions brief. And isn’t this just a world away from someone ending his life?

Image

 

Image and story via PSFK

 

Honda-branded bottled water, created entirely from the emissions of their FCX model.

Simple. Effective. And it didn’t make me cry.

Wasn’t so hard, was it?

The top 5 things to do in Nottingham

I recently moved back to my home city of Nottingham, which has been a bit of a strange experience after living in London for 6 years. But I’ve been lucky to find myself a job as Lead Copywriter at a brilliant ad agency, and after 6 months in the ‘ham, I’m finding out all the best things to do here. It’s a beautiful and historical city that people just don’t think to visit.

So here’s my top 5 list of things you must do, see and experience when you come and visit Nottingham. Which you should. (Drink with me optional).

1. Annie’s Burger Shack – more than 30 unbelievably creative and delicious burgers. They have vegan and veggie versions of everything, and some of the recipes are ridiculous. My top 3 Annie’s Burger Shack burgers:

Annie’s books up very very quickly, so book in advance or hope you get one of the walk-in seats.

2. Boilermaker. A bar that should probably be in Dalston. Very easy to miss on the grounds that it has no name and looks like a boiler shop. Go in, ignore the boilers on the wall, ask the person at the desk for a table for however many people and hope it’s not too busy – obviously Friday and Saturday nights are the most rammed. When you’re offered a table, go through the door to the right of the reception desk, which takes you into a bathroom – push the sink and you’re in the bar. The cocktails are predictably off-the-wall and served in various impressive ways – with popcorn, candy floss, and in a paper bag streaming with smoke, among others.The menu changes often but my current favourite is:

Boilermaker Nottingham Stay Puft cocktail

3. Pitcher & Piano. Yes, it’s a chain, but Nottingham has the best one. It’s in a converted church (mmm, sacrelicious). It sounds impressive, it looks good in pictures – but the reality is even better. This place will take your breath away. Do not miss.

Pitcher & Piano bar Nottingham

4. Ye Olde Trip to Jerusalem pub. One of the oldest and most famous pubs in the country, set in the side of a cliff with a Nottingham Castle on top. The castle is OK, but nothing special as castles go – the pub is awesome. Go in, order a drink at the bar and then go up the stairs to the room that is literally a little cave – it’s fairly easy to find and has gauntlets and swords on the wall. Drinking in a ancient cave is an experience no one should miss. Again, photo doesn’t do it justice.

Ye Olde Trip to Jerusalem cave Nottingham

5. Wollaton Hall – this was Wayne Manor (Batman’s house) in The Dark Knight Rises. It’s also pretty beautiful and set in a huge park with free-roaming deer.

Between this and our local hero, I like to say that Nottingham has both Batman and Robin.

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5 awesome things about the new Twitter profile design

1. It shows the date you joined 

This will probably cause a flurry of one-upmanship when it first comes in. But it’s a great badge of honour for those of us who’ve been on the site for a while, and it gives something to measure the number of tweets against (30k tweets in a year = not good. 30k tweets in 7 years = fine).

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2. You can FINALLY filter out replies

Big, famous accounts have had this for a while:

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But the new profile lets everyone filter out replies:

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And it also has a nice, big button for seeing just photos and videos:

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These display in an enlarged, tiled layout that makes them easy to browse.

Replies

3. Better tweets are bigger

When someone’s deciding whether to follow you, you want them to see your best stuff. Which is why it’s handy that tweets with higher engagement appear bigger on your feed:

weez

You can also pin a tweet to the top of your feed, so it appears above more recent posts. Again, big accounts have had this for a while, but it’s new to the rest of us:

Replies

 

So if you’ve just written a blog post or you want more views on that awesome selfie you took last week, get pinning.

4. It’s easier to adjust the header image

It drives me nuts that you can’t zoom or scale a Facebook cover photo. Header images have become standard across Twitter, G+ and Facebook because they look good, but it’s still a very awkward size and shape to fill. Especially in the age of mobile photos.

Twitter’s new, bigger header image comes with options for repositioning and scaling:

reposition-620x195

 

Image: ChipChick

Which goes some way to helping to fill such an awkwardly sized space. Expect Samsung to bring out a camera specifically for header images before long!

5. It’s annoyed everyone

I do enjoy how much moaning happens when anything changes on social media sites. Hey, people, this is the internet. It’s transient as hell. And you didn’t like the last design either, remember?

A random selection of Grumpy Cats (didn’t find a single positive comment):

grumpy

Love it or hate it, the design is rolling out now. You can see it in action on Weezer’s profile, or read the announcement here.

What do you think of New-New Twitter? I’m pretty happy with the extra features (especially ‘no replies’), but then I’m not a Grumpy Cat.