Today, the Daily Mail published a piece by me about trying to get my tubes tied on the NHS, similar to the one I wrote for the Guardian in January. As you can imagine, the comments section was a riot. Everyone told me not to read the comments, but why would I do that to myself? I’d miss out on so much gold.
The title is a slight lie because there are over 2,000 comments already and I did not in any sense read them all, because I still have to find time in the day to glare at children and milk the National Health Service dry. But here are some of my favourites, and my responses. Which I won’t be putting in the comments section, because that’s like trying to debate with a floor lamp.
The best of the Daily Mail comments
If anything was going to change my mind, it’s definitely the thought of having Rod Stewart’s spawn.
Every night I cuddle a cold, unfeeling house brick, and wonder what it’d be like to have emotions.
Is there a formula yet for the number of comments before someone invokes Katie Hopkins?
I’m glad I could help you discover what ‘journalism’ means.
The irony is not lost on me, especially when I’m trying to fit into airline seats. Though that may also be the cake and pies.
I think what you’re trying to say here is that I’m thick, but the problem is that if I’m thick then I don’t need a lobotomy because I’m already thick. Do you see? Or have you had one yourself?
Man reads Daily Mail, accuses others of being shallow
I don’t appear immature or unconvincing to the doctors. I appear female. That’s the difference.
BRB, buying business cards that say “Holly Brockwell, Simpleton.” I’ll start giving them out after my lobotomy.
I’m so glad we could agree on this.
Of all the women to perv on in the Daily Mail, you choose me? Dude.
You should meet my ex. You’d get along.
You haven’t lived until Daily Mail commenters have debated the relative size of your vagina.
I really hope you missed a word.
This is definitely the debate I was hoping to inspire.
I’m sorry to break this to you… LOL GEDDIT?
Please email firstname.lastname@example.org
19, 20, 21, 22.
These people have only ever had sex when they were actively trying for a baby.
I think this lady read a different article.
That’s a whole lot of life advice from someone who can’t spell “you’re”
Ooh, are we making sandcastles?
I’m extremely flattered that this dude thinks I have a “Sex and the City style life.”
Is this a stupid comment I couldn’t be bothered reading fully it
Username suggests this person is totally unbiased
Have children! They’ll keep you from getting bored*
*although so will Scrabble and that’s quite a lot cheaper
True. I’ve just changed my mind about reading the comments. Thanks, mate!