I’m a December baby, which means I get my entire mother lode of yearly presents at Christmastime. That means planning early, so I got to thinking this week about what I might like. And I came up with… bupkes.
So I thought I’d ask autocomplete on my phone. After all, it has an enormous database of my tweets, Facebook posts and emails to draw on – surely it knows me better than I know myself?
Dutifully, I typed “All I want for Christmas is…” and let it suggest a present.
It did not go well.
I’m pretty sure I don’t want the tip of a phallus poking out of my stocking. So to speak.
Curiosity aroused, I asked Twitter if their autocompletes provided anything better.
Replies ranged from the entirely accurate:
To the hedonistic:
To the romantic:
To the depressing:
To the surreal:
Still, it’s solved my dilemma. All I want for Christmas now is better autocomplete.